Monday 5/13/13 Prompt:
Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
Here it goes...
I have finally found you! My most ideal Endocrinologist I have ever had! I have had a hard time finding an Endo with whom I can really be myself - the good and the bad, be completely honest with what and how I am doing with my diabetes. Not only are you amazing, but I am also falling in love with the clinic system as a whole that you operate within. I have had such a bitter taste in my mouth from former Endos, insurance companies, and pharmacies scorned.
You listen to me. You try and HELP me. You relate to me. And that is HUGE for me. Don't get me wrong, in the past, I have liked "running my own show," but I do not have an 'MD' behind my name to back up my suspicions or "feelings." This is where I seek your expertise, and you deliver!
I am new to the pump and have shared my feelings around that with you - that I want to reign in my numbers way more than where they are right now. I want to be better. I strive to be better. I feel that I will disappoint you, and ultimately myself, if I don't:
- test enough
- stay within range enough
- eat the right things all the time
- exercise enough
Ugh there is guilt, stress, anger, questioning, sugar-coating, and sadness in trying to please myself sometimes, which I manifest as trying to please you.
I try to be strong. I try to be strong for me, for my family, for my diabetic friends and everyone else - complete strangers. Some days I feel strong, unstoppable when those numbers hit the magic zones and hover there, even if for a brief stint, as if by a miracle.
I don't want you to see my bad days. I don't want you to see the days when I hardly test at all. I don't want you to see me at my weak points with this thing. I don't want you to quit me. I don't want you to ever move away and I have to start the process of finding "you" all over again (stay? forever? please? I'll make cookies!).
I want to ask you about camp - ask you to recommend it to EVERY diabetic that comes into your office! I want more time to talk with you and tell you about camp and how it has not only changed my diabetic life, but my overall life, for the utmost BEST. I (for good reason, obviously) talk about my care and treatment while I am with you, but what I wouldn't give for about 10 extra minutes to chat camp with you and sell you on it.
I would like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much you have already helped me, even if only for a month or two now. Thank you!
-LD
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